i think it's amaziiiiiiiiiiiiiiinggggggggggggggggg

finally,
I'm free.

focus focus focus focus focus focus focus focus focus

ordered more books
haven't read even those i got yet

i am unbelievable!!
nominated myself to the election in Supra!!
we'll see how it goes ....

i am looking forward to the next two weeks to go by succesfully by which i mean no trouble!

I slept on a couch last night
one of those for only for person to sit on it not to sleep on it
quiet painful don't you think!
lightning of my room still does not work!
i go out too much again
got to study really focused today

ice cream
rain
e-mails
phone calls
feels good
but no studyinggg hass takeeen plaaceee stilll!!!

cleaning.again could not wake up.
am i sick?
think got a cold.
well not that bad.
will be fine by tomorrow!

finally decided..
still got no ice cream.
but got a busy schedule!

australian idol sucks!

got to decide on a research question
specify the dissertation topic
actually all i want is some ice cream
this has been going on since thursday!

feeling better
getting rid of those you don't enjoy
reading more for career
loving more the ones deserving
feeling home on my own
programmes made for upcoming couple of nights
just hold on dear
you are doing it
a life of your own
free will has arrived

to pretend no one can find, the fallacies of morning rose, forbidden fruit, hidden eyes, courtesies that i despise in me take a ride, take a shot now. `cause nobody loves me, it's true, not like you do.
covered by the blind belief, that fantasies of sinful screens, bear the facts, assume the dye, end the vows no need to lie, enjoy, take a ride, take a shot now. `cause nobody loves me, it's true, not like you do.
who oo am i, what and why? `cause all i have left is my memories of yesterday, ohh these sour times. `cause nobody loves me, it's true, not like you do.
after time the bitter taste, of innocence decent or race, scattered seed, buried lives, mysteries of our disguise revolve, circumstance will decide. `cause nobody loves me, it's true, not like you do

here i go out to sea again the sunshine fills my hair and dreams hang in the air gulls in the sky and in my blue eyes you know it feels unfair there's magic everywhere look at me standing here on my own again up straight in the sunshine no need to run and hide it's a wonderful, wonderful life no need to hide your face it's a wonderful, wonderful life sun in your eyes the heat is in your hair they seem to hate you because you're there and i need a friend oh, i need a friend to make me happy not stand here on my own look at me standing here on my own again up straight in the sunshine i need a friend oh, i need friend to make me happy not so alone look at me here here on my own again up straight in the sunshine

there is so much i want to write to those i love
but words are not enough
it is not that they are not with me near me right now but that
i could not tell what has happened anyway.

i wish i knew myself better
do i feel the way i feel right now really or is it because i am drunk?
i might be confusing feelings
or i might be confusing me with someone else.

cannot get thourgh
occupied
i fell for the wrong guy again.
why do i do this to myself
why do you do this to me
i could have a very nice relationship with my boyfriend
did you just have no choice but to make me fall for you
well congratulations you managed to turn my life into a disaster...

got drunk again again again again
i listen to music
which is limited with my laptop...
and get drunk
not on my own of course there are people out there who also have troubles and miseries...
wish i wasn't one.

wish could start over

i suck i suck i suck
how many times do i have to say that to convince myself!!
going to the movies tonight with my so-called boyfriend.
what have i done?
how many times do i have to ask myself that to find the answer?
i am suppose to be studying and taking my time to meet new people.
did i have to rush! no!
i would eventually say that i did not rush myself but people rushed me.
that would be lying to myself.
eventually i will do that.
thanks to me.

actually new man!
just one!
i think i am in a relationship...
it had been a years since i was last part of one.
feels both secure and scary.
nice to have someone to hold onto.
but scares that he is also gonna vanish!
isn't he?

what is this making me
new house new men new friends
but me! me! me!

life is tough
i used to tell myself
now it is more than that.
gosh things are never gonna change are they?
no matter where i go what i do
i take myself along

such good friends i have made through the years
i see now
such a mail i read
and cannot keep my tears to myself.
just i wish i could be there for her.

tonight is last night.
he comes.
the beloved is happy to see him.

nobody came.
may be some other time.
another life time may even be more suitable for happiness.
better go on shopping...
at least i get what i want.
although i pay for it.
may be i should pay him!
oh gosh finally i've gone mad!

nobody knows that every blog is about another man
a man everybody knows
a man nobody knows
ok may be a few!
:)

what comes goes!
i hope he comes
so that he cn go
otherwise we are gonna get stuck
together

no matter where i go
he is always with me
he is a part of me
never thought of that
did i came here to ran away from him
i don't think so
i dreamed this even when i did not know him
but still
it hurts
to know that i lost him for good
hopefully for good!
for the best.

please come.
i love you.

sleep i don't need to sleep i hide my fist behind me dream i don't sleep i dream my conscience lays beside me if you were here if you were here if i was there if you were here today, this day if you were here if you were here if i was there if you were here today, this day speak i don't need to speak you're satisfied with silence scream i won't speak i scream my conscience walked behind me if you were here if you were here if i was there if you were here today, this day, if you were here if you were here if i was there if you were here today, this day, today..sleep and all my energy i waste on dreams of silence if you were here if you were here if i was there if you were here today, this day if you were here if you were here if i was there if you were here today, this day

a man who thinks of me when this song is on is the man i am going to marry.
i swear!
i hope he does think of me...
pleasee gosh make him think of me!!
does he love me?
is he my lover?
or will be on friday?
probably.
definitely we'll be happy ever after.
i know this phase.
i have been here before six years ago.
this time i won't let it slip from my hands.
hold on tight babe,
love is at the door.
and shakes well although you don't answer the door.

i hope he thinks of me like Costello does:
she may be the face i can't forgetthe trace of pleasure or regretmay be my treasure or the price i have to payshe may be the song that summer singsmay be the chill that autumn bringsmay be a hundred different thingswithin a measure of a dayshe may be the beauty or the beastmay be the famine or the feastmay turn each day in to a heaven or a hellshe may be the mirror of my dreamsher smile reflected in a streamshe may not be what she would seeminside her shellshe would always seem so happy like a cloudwhose eyes can be so bright and so proudno one's allowed to see them when they cryshe may be the love that cannot hope to lastmay come to me from shadows of the pastbut i'll remember 'til the day i dieshe may be the reason i survivethe why and where for i'm alivethe one i'll care for through the rough and ready yearsme, i'll take her laughter and her tearsand make them all my souvenirsthe way she goes that, got to bethe meaning of my life is she, she , she.

sometimes i feel i've got to run away i've got to get away from the pain that you drive into the heart of me the love we share seems to go nowhere and i've lost my light for i toss and turn i can't sleep at night once i ran to you (i ran) now i'll run from you this tainted love you've given i give you all a boy could give you take my tears and that's not nearly all oh...tainted love tainted love now i know i've got to run away i've got to get away you don't really want any more from me to make things right you need someone to hold you tight and you think love is to pray but i'm sorry i don't pray that way don't touch me please i cannot stand the way you tease i love you though you hurt me so now i'm going to pack my things and go tainted love, tainted love tainted love, tainted love touch me baby, tainted love touch me baby, tainted love tainted love tainted love tainted love

still insomnia
but worth it
since now there is someone to share the disaster...
hugger and kisser!

hug and kisses
...
all night...

this is my confession of things i've kept inside secrets i've tried to hide from you, you never suspect it. they've been carefully contained, i respectfully restrained the truth.... but now i can't hide it anymore, i can't deny it anymore. i'm in love with you and i don't care who knows and it shows... that i have wanted you for so long, and now all of my strength is gone i can't keep these feelings locked up in my soul..... so this is my confession, my heart without disguise undressed and open wide to you i've abandoned the protection that has quietly concealed all that i now reveal to you. for now i can't hide it anymore, i can't deny it anymore. i'm in love with you and i don't care who knows and it shows... for i have wanted you for so long, and now all of my strength is gone i can't keep these feelings locked up in my soul..... what ever your reaction i will fearlessly without a reservation tell honestly that i have wanted you for so long, and now all of my strength is gone i can't keep these feelings locked up in my soul..... so this is my confession...