bohemian bourgeois is what i long to become
whereas if i was one i would only be embarrassed to say how

dreaming dreamy dream

acceptance: ability to accept all as whoever they are
i lack that as well.

i have lost the ability to enjoy today
due to my high expectations from tomorrow

it is so freeing to be abroad sometimes
though it is clear that the same cycles of failure are waiting for me back home
the travel just wants to linger on me

it is in a month that i shall change my life forever
make it even harder on myself
but better for everyone

it is over a month now that i decided for the newphase to rebegin since it doesn't end
another month until i am there to take the step and leave it to the flow
after that not another day will go by where i won't think i did what's right
for me...

somewhere over the rainbow

there are sailors who can make it to the point where they can see the land
and they drown meters from saviour
there are sailors who just give up and the mermaid finds them at the beach
all handsome and sweet

they say it's never too late
and then they say carpe diem
isn't it waste of time to built a healthy future
when its only consequence is a crappy today

only if he called
i am sure i wrote something very familiar many years back
and the same dependancy still exists in me after all that i have been through
why try to swim when you can just hit the bottom and rest in peace?
if this wasn't instinctive i would long be gone & havin' a great time in heaven

does love fade away?
or is it just pushed away
when we just cannot have that person
am i ever going to be over him
or is this for good that
no matter what i find out about him
how bad it is that he treats me
i am stack with this subversively intense feeling of
wanting to make him happy
but also wondering to know about it all

there are point in your life when words don't make sense anymore
how would anyone explain anything to her/himself with no words
that is i believe called dreaming, my fav
when i first started writing this blog i imagined that it would be a phase
eventually end bcs everything would be so perfect, why write it
well apparently nothing is perfect as well as nobody

writing here feels like home
i look back and see that i have inclined to stay away
whenever feelings are intense and i have hope
so the sight and the dates of the blogs are a sign of my hopelessness
sort of cute in a way
in many ways, just pathetic and i love it!

If I was young, I'd flee this town
I'd bury my dreams underground
As did I, we drink to die, we drink tonight
Far from home, elephant gun
Let's take them down one by one
We'll lay it down, it's not been found, it's not around
Let the seasons begin - it rolls right on
Let the seasons begin - take the big game down
Let the seasons begin - it rolls right on
Let the seasons begin - take the big game down
And it rips through the silence of our camp at night
And it rips through the night
And it rips through the silence of our camp at night
And it rips through the silence, all that is left is all that I hide

I have grown to deal with more, suffer more, deeper pain and almost no courage to yield. Does this make me stronger or a coward? Rather than getting up on my feet and putting on a fight, choosing to sit on a chair of needles is the hard choice. So; in this case the hard choice has become addictive... Addicted to pain, am i?

it would not be fair to skip 2009
well to summarize in a few words
repetition repetition repetition...
how much more pathetic could any chain of events get?
no more...

it is happening.
smoothly and easily.

About as subtle as an earthquake, I know,
My mistakes were made for you.
And in the backroom of the bad dream, she came,
And whisked me away, enthused.
And it's as solid as a rock rolling down a hill,
The fact is that it probably will hit something,
On the hazardous terrain.
And we're just following the flock,
Around and in-between,
Before we're smashed to smithereens
Like they were, then we scramble from the blame
And it's the fame that put words in her mouth,
She couldn't help, but spit them out.
Innocence and arrogance entwined,
In the filthiest of minds.
She was bitten on her birthday,
And now a face in the crowd, she's not.
And I suspected now forever the shape
She came to escape, is forgot.
And it's a lot to ask her not to sting.
And give her less than everything;
Around your crooked conscious she will wind.
And we're just following the flock, around and in-between,
Before we're smashed to smithereens
Like they were, and we scrambled from the blame.
And it's the fame that put words in her mouth,
She couldn't help but spit them out
Around your crooked conscious she will wind.
And it's a lot to ask her not to sting,
And give her less than everything
Innocence and arrogance entwined.

There's no need for the servant
There's no scene, no queen
This must be less then meant
The most pityful ever seen
I guess he misses the sunshine
For Venus he wrote a line:
"I don't mind waiting a lifetime
Even if it's gambling with time
I could dare the waiting elsewhere
Love could be the future we share"
He used to waste opportunities
Get some suicidal tendencies
All his life he's been seeking
For his passing love affair, he sang:
"I don't mind waiting a lifetime
Even if it's gambling with time
I could dare the waiting elsewhere
Love could be the future we share"
Now he's sliding to the skies
White, unlimited in his eyes
No one heard of the one man band
A red carpet to the lucky land
I don't mind waiting a lifetime
Even if it's gambling with time
I could dare the waiting elsewhere
Love could be the future we share
I'll find another space
I need some open space