i went to bed so late that i just woke up.
my days and nights are losing track again.
last night a very nice man cooked me dinner, drove me to a party and then gave me a lift home.
that's all i needed.
some sincere connection.
thankss!!!

i am so sick!!!
literally.
i told u that i would pay the price of being too happy!
i don't care though!
i am gonna meet one of my beloveds today again!!
although i am sick!!
if this is a battle, i am definitely gonna be the winner!!
thank God for all this love and happiness.
seriously.

thursday and friday, two nights with my beloved ones.
i love u.
saturday, a night with my only true love!
i love u more than u can imagine.

everything has a price they say.
now i say it too!!
too good to be true days of my life are nowadays!
when i catch myself smiling randomly with no reason i can fell that i'm gonna have to pay for this at some point.
but who cares?
since i am the one smiling!!!
my wishes are coming true, and ay be i paid for this one before hand.

and the thing is that the dream i had is so close to mylife that i can fell it coming true.

the dream i had on a friends' couch last night was incredable.
i don't want to ruin it with words.

Even in our wildest daydreams and night dreams we shall find, if we think about it, that the imagination does not entirely run wild, and that even in imagination the different ideas follow one another in a somewhat regular fashion.

i repeat:
life is full of suprises!!!

ok here is what i got in mind; i want everyone to be like me so that no one would get mad at me at all because they all would be doing the same in my position.
i want myself to be more and more like me no matter how, why, when, where and how come...
and all i want else is affection affection affection.
i am actually begging for it here.
and no one replied!
this seems like a nice summary of all i got both in actuality and in mind.

am i that much of a coward that i cannot even confess myself what i have in mind?
or is it because i am too nasty!!!

i wish i had some of the answers at least.

what if nothing happens?
is it possible that nothing happens when a man and a woman are together alone?
would that not burn them both since they both know how high they could be together?
i might be right, i might be wrong.
all i want if that affection.
love of a man.

got a date for thursday.
got plans for every other day.
got no idea what it is coming this time.
want what i had before.
or want what is new to come.
make no sense ha?
oh yea
no sense!

life is such a joke.
you never know what is to come next.
i fell so weird nowadays.
men complicate my life more than ever.
or is it me to blame?
no matter who should be kept responsible for all this confusion, still i am gonna be the one to get through with it.
not afraid, but a little terrified.
seeing how things go right upside down so suddenly shaked me quiet a lot.
do i want what i had before back?
do i want nothing new but nothing old either?_
or is it something new that i've been looking for this last couple of months?
please do reply.

home home sweet home.
i don't know if i can leave all this behind.
this affection of those who love me so sincerely.
i'll have to make changes. this phase here is just the beginning as it seems.

i write about myself all the time but when it comes to writing about others i'm totally stuck.
nothing seems to come into mind.

i had a breakfast with the dearest of all friends this morning.
my first friend ever.
all the questions in my mind are all answered now.
i don't do anything from now on.
no enthusiastic approaches to guys or bags or serials ...
actually no approaches at all!!
i feel much better now!
oh my life!
it is so different then how i thought it would be when i was ten.
i could not even think of how my life would be then because it was all about seizing the moment then.
why can't it be so now? today?
does age make such a huge difference in my life? in our lives?
isn't it all about who you are? rather then who you are suppose to be at a specified age!
i feel good!!
now. today. ever.

shopping is no solution, neither serials on tv!
i get too much involved in whatever i watch, read, eat or even think of for a second.
my world is no way identical or even similar with the one i think i'm into.
i fucked up so well !!
sometimes i think i should be proud of myself.
such an original way of fucking myself!!
thank u
thank u all...

no way i give up!

good morning!
hello!
good morning!
hello!
where is ernie?
i don't know!!