there are some songs that just have to touch you as they go by
and there are some songs that never go by.

if i was water or fire
if i never talked but was a stone
would you still play with me?

watch the sunrise say your goodbyes off we go some conversation no contemplation hit the road car overheats jump out of my seat on the side of the highway baby our road is long your hold is strong please don't ever let go oh no i know i don't know you but i want you so bad everyone has a secret but can they keep it oh no they can't driving fast now don't think i know how to go slow where you at now i feel around there you are cool these engines calm these jets i ask you how hot can it get and as you wipe of beads of sweat slowly you say 'i'm not there yet!'

god let me meet someone
someone just like me

movies touch me very often because they are all about those living far far away, and now i am one. al these years i never enyojed the local music, never enjoyed songs in my native language. now i know why, just so that i would not listen to them when i am so far, i would not listen to them so that i would not touch me like those movies that used to touch me when i was not far far away but the people were.

there is nothing local about me now that i see myself living somewhere so far so different.
everyone said that i would get homesick, everyone said don't go.
i am glad i never ever listen to anyone.
i am glad i am here through this experience of my life.
may be even bigger experiences are going to come and meet me in the future.
for now this is who and where i am.
life is though i used to say.
now i know it was always me making it tougher.

going away for christmas early tomorrow morning
kind of excited a bit anxious and very enthusiastic
these days have been very very occupying lately.
every weekend i am staying somewhere else.
this is what abroad experience is all about I believe.
sometimes i fell like just reading on the front porch.
sometimes i feel like reading at the beach.
but mostly i just live the life given rather then reading others'...

i love this city, wish beloveds were here too.

everyday something new is coming up! i am glad to be around! feeling free, kind of.
there are still things on my mind, dissapointment, future aspirations, hopes and believes...
just like any other ordinary person.
but this journey is one that those ordinaries would not go on with!
coward freaks!

i am where i wanna be
i wish my beloved did not have to go home and could stay here with me.

for the first time ever i gambled today
and won!!
the reason behind me losing my lovers has just occured to my mind; gambling.
the loser in club has become the winner in casinos i guess.
new phase!!!

the books i ordered on the 1st of this month have not arrived yet. i am really worried now. but on the other hand everything is going great. the term is over, and i have a visitor from home. we are going everywhere together. i am having a great time. but we are shopping too much i guess. so i am worried that my stuff won't fit into my bags on my way home. if i go home of course.

by the way i have been having some trouble nowadays
i wanna mention that
the thing is i am reading too much too fast which is a costly habit.
they always said read read read! reading is good, improve yourself. now i just cannot afford it financially!! all these books i got in my room!! who the hell is going to carry them back home!! will i stay or will i go? i have no idea.
and since saturday, i have been trying to control myself to not to purchase books since some of my books are on the way both from amazon and from home.
but i may loose myself at any moment!!!!

a day to the reunion.
big day tomorrow!! i have so much to handle, before the reunion.
kind of excited, since i will have someone on my side, although temporary, still feels good.

it has only been a few days since i freed myself from the papers to be written by writing them.
and since then i am on a roll!!!
i never had a moment to stop and think, i have been to the beach, to movies, to shopping, to have a cup of coffee over a few laughs with friends.
i like this.

now i will have more time to think about everything
when i say everything i mean somethings
oh life sucks, so does love.

it is time to submit the last paper of the term.
should i be prud?
i think i am only depressed.
i do not like summer.
every summer another disaster come to visit me not as a friend but as a foe.
scary ha! i got mail today, from the significant other. anyone who knows me knows there is only one significant other, this goes for anyone.
kind of cool though kind of tough, but definitely painful.

somersault- finally!!
today is my day
a local movie, a local novel
and come Cd's from the discount
nice day is today.
dinner tonight ,
nice italian dinner.
nice night is tonight.

this new phase is like a boomerang
just keeps coming back to where it first begin
all those tears for nothing
if he wanted me back would I go back
me asking myself this question is ironic enough
and yes I would go back
but not because of him
because of my love for the past anything good or bad if it is in the past i want it back
as if i would be the me i was then
that is never going to happen
i do not know what it is that makes me believe in me to go back
and why why why do i do this
after days of thinking of stupid stuff that had never occured to me before and now when i get a few words in the subject all of a sudden things change my focus my life changes because of something so little
this only means that i have not settled my life on hard enough grounds
is it too late to achieve this now
or am i who i am
someone who wants to go back.

so much has happened
nothing is a big deal anymore
it's because i have grown

what a nice weekend i had
just when i thought my hopes had vanished along with the words i typed all week
now one more to go
then i'll be free not as a bird but as me.
something is always better than nothing i believe.
my paranoias are coming and going
i am looking forward to the day they will leave me alone for good.

de-lovely!
i am quiet keen when it comes to musical.
i cannot keep back from loving it all.
including ghost-busters!

take my photo off the wall if it just won't sing for you 'cause all that's left has gone away and there's nothing there for you to prove oh, look what you've done you've made a fool of everyone oh well, it seems likes such fun until you lose what you had won give me back my point of view 'cause i just can't think for you i can hardly hear you say what should i do, well you choose oh, look what you've done you've made a fool of everyone oh well, it seems likes such fun until you lose what you had won oh, look what you've done you've made a fool of everyone a fool of everyone a fool of everyone take my photo off the wall if it just won't sing for you 'cause all that's left has gone away and there's nothing there for you to do oh, look what you've done you've made a fool of everyone oh well, it seems likes such fun until you lose what you had won oh, look what you've done you've made a fool of everyone a fool of everyone a fool of everyone

slept half the day!
unbelieveable
when time is so precious
i spent it on dreaming.

a new day
last chance to get this over with
oh please please something come here and inspire me!!

got 3 papers due friday
going to the movies in 30 minutes
got 1 hell of a character
and the guts.

i wish i had you with me.
just for the fun of it.

ok time to confess:
i hate the O.C.!!
everybody sleeps with everybody!
nobody loves anybody!
what is this deal with bodies!?

got to give myself so time.
what is this deal with time.
nothing. no time.

i have to take my mind off of things. i do not know how to do it but i know i will. especially once all this mess is over; everythings gonna be different. why care at all. i believe it is because i am growing. i never new this experience could change me so much. where is old me, there is even an old me which means there is a new me which is fabulous! i guess.

time is going by so fast
i cannot believe how long it has been
it is actually not good that all my special dates are same dates with festivals and holidays, because this challenges my memory from forgetting things i do not wanna have in mind anymore

italian film festival
cute cute cute

new decision
new phases
new beginning
if there were no new ends all this would never have happened
why am i stuck on few people
why still wonder still think still wanna make up for left behinds
because i am growing
i guess

dreams dreams dreams
i know i sound patheticly poetic
but this is what life made out of me
thinking about the old days that won't be back
as if they were amazing or anything close to perfection
whereas today is new and fresh and naive
thinking yesterday wondering about tomorrow
today is just dead.
by now.

i wonder if other people screw up as often as i do
i wonder if other people screw up at all

got to do better tomorrow
i really want to get done with this.

feeling much more better
i really don't give a shit about these last few days anymore
it seems i can be pushed too far also.

everything is out in the open now
i feel much better
this is the kind of person i am
i cannot be any other way.
everything has to be out in the open
rather than a problem in my subconciousness.

new beginning
i love new beginnings.
i wish they worked out so that i would not need them
in the first place.

i am such a failure to myself.

i am really living in sydney
i realized that tonight
i have become one of everyone
and of course it brings along many things
to be a local ...

too many plans again!!
beach, canberra, friday night party, late shopping night....
when will the plans concerning uni will come true I wonder.

i was not sad
but mad.
then wondered why
and it got worse
i mean the madness.

great grandmother passed away this morning
so they told me.

again back to where it all first began
the same mood
same timing
starving but for something else
craving for the feeling

night of june.
when will a love that broad will find me?
am i suppose to be in search?
could not sleep all night, staring at the ceiling at a strangers bed.
what happens if such an experience never finds me again
what am i suppose to do where am i suppose to stand so that my life intersects with his
he who is not the one
but the someone

got to study, but again as soon as i open my eyes see the daylight i cannot hold myself from going out!
almost two weeks of vacation and i read nothing.
congratulationsss:))

sometimes when i cannot concentrate to what i am doing i think of people i no longer have any attachments with.
it feels weird because it was my choice to let them go out of my life.
but seems memories stay.
i have had this kind of feelings before when i was second year at uni.
not anymore i thought i would happen.
life goes on but the cycle does not change i guess.
anyway i cannot wait for tomorrow!!

i love spring especially the break part!!
i cannot wait for tomorrow
a day that brings along everything I have been waiting for!!
thanks tomorrow.

i need some rest
i am sick and tired of doing this.
i can imagine myself, reading and feeling good by staring at the view of the city from my table in the library.
i can see myself doing my shopping, catching a movie afterwords...

now got to get moving
time to have fun
I think I paid my debts to fate.
serendipity is what has to come now.
just waiting for the signs.

the readings the writings
assignments
dates, timing good or bad
weekend plans
weekday plans
wanting everything getting some
not having it all
not so missing
but a little dizzy
thinking of people I would never think of before
wondering what went wrong
realized that it was nothing just time changing people
me especially.
cannot take it anymore, cannot handle those ashemed to be themselves
uptight people not my type mate! not my type!
real friends show up at worst
so true!
although I am doing incredably good
my phone always rang, I think I got it I handled it very well.
new beginning
new phase
new me!

partyy!
finally!
the time has come.
the day has come.
the sun has risen.
the poetic I am, the better everything's gonna be.

excitedd for the package
for the party
for the film
for the week shortly.

much better
much much better...

whiskey experience
Rockssssssss

everyone called me last night
even 5 in the morning
that's why my plans never work out
i just let them go

could i get up any later

whatever it is i am planning
don't worry
never works out

weekends plans may have vanished
but the party I was looking for took place in my apartment
which is cool.

i don't think it's so amazing now
not anymore

gosh let this curse go away!

destiny sometimes sucks,
just when i thought everything was working out
i injured my ankle
i am gonna miss my classes
a party!!!
and fresh air.

i think it's amaziiiiiiiiiiiiiiinggggggggggggggggg

finally,
I'm free.

focus focus focus focus focus focus focus focus focus

ordered more books
haven't read even those i got yet

i am unbelievable!!
nominated myself to the election in Supra!!
we'll see how it goes ....

i am looking forward to the next two weeks to go by succesfully by which i mean no trouble!

I slept on a couch last night
one of those for only for person to sit on it not to sleep on it
quiet painful don't you think!
lightning of my room still does not work!
i go out too much again
got to study really focused today

ice cream
rain
e-mails
phone calls
feels good
but no studyinggg hass takeeen plaaceee stilll!!!

cleaning.again could not wake up.
am i sick?
think got a cold.
well not that bad.
will be fine by tomorrow!

finally decided..
still got no ice cream.
but got a busy schedule!

australian idol sucks!

got to decide on a research question
specify the dissertation topic
actually all i want is some ice cream
this has been going on since thursday!

feeling better
getting rid of those you don't enjoy
reading more for career
loving more the ones deserving
feeling home on my own
programmes made for upcoming couple of nights
just hold on dear
you are doing it
a life of your own
free will has arrived

to pretend no one can find, the fallacies of morning rose, forbidden fruit, hidden eyes, courtesies that i despise in me take a ride, take a shot now. `cause nobody loves me, it's true, not like you do.
covered by the blind belief, that fantasies of sinful screens, bear the facts, assume the dye, end the vows no need to lie, enjoy, take a ride, take a shot now. `cause nobody loves me, it's true, not like you do.
who oo am i, what and why? `cause all i have left is my memories of yesterday, ohh these sour times. `cause nobody loves me, it's true, not like you do.
after time the bitter taste, of innocence decent or race, scattered seed, buried lives, mysteries of our disguise revolve, circumstance will decide. `cause nobody loves me, it's true, not like you do

here i go out to sea again the sunshine fills my hair and dreams hang in the air gulls in the sky and in my blue eyes you know it feels unfair there's magic everywhere look at me standing here on my own again up straight in the sunshine no need to run and hide it's a wonderful, wonderful life no need to hide your face it's a wonderful, wonderful life sun in your eyes the heat is in your hair they seem to hate you because you're there and i need a friend oh, i need a friend to make me happy not stand here on my own look at me standing here on my own again up straight in the sunshine i need a friend oh, i need friend to make me happy not so alone look at me here here on my own again up straight in the sunshine

there is so much i want to write to those i love
but words are not enough
it is not that they are not with me near me right now but that
i could not tell what has happened anyway.

i wish i knew myself better
do i feel the way i feel right now really or is it because i am drunk?
i might be confusing feelings
or i might be confusing me with someone else.

cannot get thourgh
occupied
i fell for the wrong guy again.
why do i do this to myself
why do you do this to me
i could have a very nice relationship with my boyfriend
did you just have no choice but to make me fall for you
well congratulations you managed to turn my life into a disaster...

got drunk again again again again
i listen to music
which is limited with my laptop...
and get drunk
not on my own of course there are people out there who also have troubles and miseries...
wish i wasn't one.

wish could start over

i suck i suck i suck
how many times do i have to say that to convince myself!!
going to the movies tonight with my so-called boyfriend.
what have i done?
how many times do i have to ask myself that to find the answer?
i am suppose to be studying and taking my time to meet new people.
did i have to rush! no!
i would eventually say that i did not rush myself but people rushed me.
that would be lying to myself.
eventually i will do that.
thanks to me.

actually new man!
just one!
i think i am in a relationship...
it had been a years since i was last part of one.
feels both secure and scary.
nice to have someone to hold onto.
but scares that he is also gonna vanish!
isn't he?

what is this making me
new house new men new friends
but me! me! me!

life is tough
i used to tell myself
now it is more than that.
gosh things are never gonna change are they?
no matter where i go what i do
i take myself along

such good friends i have made through the years
i see now
such a mail i read
and cannot keep my tears to myself.
just i wish i could be there for her.

tonight is last night.
he comes.
the beloved is happy to see him.

nobody came.
may be some other time.
another life time may even be more suitable for happiness.
better go on shopping...
at least i get what i want.
although i pay for it.
may be i should pay him!
oh gosh finally i've gone mad!

nobody knows that every blog is about another man
a man everybody knows
a man nobody knows
ok may be a few!
:)

what comes goes!
i hope he comes
so that he cn go
otherwise we are gonna get stuck
together

no matter where i go
he is always with me
he is a part of me
never thought of that
did i came here to ran away from him
i don't think so
i dreamed this even when i did not know him
but still
it hurts
to know that i lost him for good
hopefully for good!
for the best.

please come.
i love you.

sleep i don't need to sleep i hide my fist behind me dream i don't sleep i dream my conscience lays beside me if you were here if you were here if i was there if you were here today, this day if you were here if you were here if i was there if you were here today, this day speak i don't need to speak you're satisfied with silence scream i won't speak i scream my conscience walked behind me if you were here if you were here if i was there if you were here today, this day, if you were here if you were here if i was there if you were here today, this day, today..sleep and all my energy i waste on dreams of silence if you were here if you were here if i was there if you were here today, this day if you were here if you were here if i was there if you were here today, this day

a man who thinks of me when this song is on is the man i am going to marry.
i swear!
i hope he does think of me...
pleasee gosh make him think of me!!
does he love me?
is he my lover?
or will be on friday?
probably.
definitely we'll be happy ever after.
i know this phase.
i have been here before six years ago.
this time i won't let it slip from my hands.
hold on tight babe,
love is at the door.
and shakes well although you don't answer the door.

i hope he thinks of me like Costello does:
she may be the face i can't forgetthe trace of pleasure or regretmay be my treasure or the price i have to payshe may be the song that summer singsmay be the chill that autumn bringsmay be a hundred different thingswithin a measure of a dayshe may be the beauty or the beastmay be the famine or the feastmay turn each day in to a heaven or a hellshe may be the mirror of my dreamsher smile reflected in a streamshe may not be what she would seeminside her shellshe would always seem so happy like a cloudwhose eyes can be so bright and so proudno one's allowed to see them when they cryshe may be the love that cannot hope to lastmay come to me from shadows of the pastbut i'll remember 'til the day i dieshe may be the reason i survivethe why and where for i'm alivethe one i'll care for through the rough and ready yearsme, i'll take her laughter and her tearsand make them all my souvenirsthe way she goes that, got to bethe meaning of my life is she, she , she.

sometimes i feel i've got to run away i've got to get away from the pain that you drive into the heart of me the love we share seems to go nowhere and i've lost my light for i toss and turn i can't sleep at night once i ran to you (i ran) now i'll run from you this tainted love you've given i give you all a boy could give you take my tears and that's not nearly all oh...tainted love tainted love now i know i've got to run away i've got to get away you don't really want any more from me to make things right you need someone to hold you tight and you think love is to pray but i'm sorry i don't pray that way don't touch me please i cannot stand the way you tease i love you though you hurt me so now i'm going to pack my things and go tainted love, tainted love tainted love, tainted love touch me baby, tainted love touch me baby, tainted love tainted love tainted love tainted love

still insomnia
but worth it
since now there is someone to share the disaster...
hugger and kisser!

hug and kisses
...
all night...

this is my confession of things i've kept inside secrets i've tried to hide from you, you never suspect it. they've been carefully contained, i respectfully restrained the truth.... but now i can't hide it anymore, i can't deny it anymore. i'm in love with you and i don't care who knows and it shows... that i have wanted you for so long, and now all of my strength is gone i can't keep these feelings locked up in my soul..... so this is my confession, my heart without disguise undressed and open wide to you i've abandoned the protection that has quietly concealed all that i now reveal to you. for now i can't hide it anymore, i can't deny it anymore. i'm in love with you and i don't care who knows and it shows... for i have wanted you for so long, and now all of my strength is gone i can't keep these feelings locked up in my soul..... what ever your reaction i will fearlessly without a reservation tell honestly that i have wanted you for so long, and now all of my strength is gone i can't keep these feelings locked up in my soul..... so this is my confession...

i misunderstood myself
my goal
view of everything
in other words
perspective.
wrong guy!
again.
got to give up
but not gonna

still drunk.

so drunk that i might even fuck myself

still
cannot sleep

i would love to tell all about tonight
but scares me
to get through it again.
to be touched in such a manner
the touch of a loving man!!

i am so cold....

it is only myself that i cannot help at all.
tears follow me everywhere.
why do i do this to myself?
why do i always have to rush myself into things?
to be loved scares me
not to be loved feels lonely
the more i try to express myself the worst i am in deep shit

as i try to make my way to the ordinary world
i will try to survive

ohhh
i am so happy that he called
he is thinking of me too
i am gonna see him today in 19 hours.
i lost my mind!
where is my mind?

gosh!!
it is always men who get in the way to my success!

got to get him off my mind
and focus on my dissertation subject.

called.
i never thought he would.

life is too short to spend on sleeping
right?
ohhhhhhhhh noooo
i just want some deep refreshing sleep!!
and stop thinking about him!

behold yourself my beloved
i am on my way to your heart
and not just that but to your life.

i want to write his name.
but i shouldn't.
because if things don't go the way i image
it hurts even more.

fat little notebook

i wanna walk with you on a cloudy day

i wanted new experience
now i cannot sleep
because of them.
i cannot stop thinking about the things i am getting myself into.
i do staff i would never do back home.
am i changing? or is it only the context that makes this me like this? time will show i guess.

.......
beyz- too hot chick

sometimes i feel like i am drunk behind the wheel the wheel of possibility however it may roll give it a spin see if you can somehow factor in
you know there's always more than one way to say exactly what you mean to say
was i out of my head?
was i out of my mind?
how could i have ever been so blind?
i was waiting for an indication it was hard to find
don't matter what i say only what i do i never mean to do bad things to you so quiet but i finally woke up if you're sad then it's time you spoke up too...

i met someone.
was i out of my head-Fast Ball

atatürk!!
that's whom i am like.
coffee and alcohol together.
good thinking.
and great decision!

my second saturday here
manly beach
darling harbour
city market
the central...
movies with bacardi breeze orange!
i like it here!

it is going to be tough
but the tougher it gets
i am gonna be even tougher than that.
gosh be there please.

It is going to be tough
as tough as it gets
i am gonna be tougher!

there are many things that i would like to say to you but i don't know how
because may be you are gonna be the one that saints me and after all you're my wonderwall!

hi!
things have changed recently.
i am living in sydney now
the most wonderful city the world has ever witnessed.
everyday as i am walking around i appreciate the goodness flowing in the air.
people do not change but new phases bring people other qualities then their own.
and i believe this city is making me more and more further myself who is actually very touchy and at the same time joyful.
what a city man has created!

those who have broken my heart
i forgive you
but that does not necessarily mean that it is forgetten
only forgiven.
 

got to go get ready.
but you were always on my minddd!!

she sent me a message
' sana iyi yolculuklar beyzacım. du$ seni özlicek. biz de. '
i am missing so much!!

i am so excited
i just can't hide it!i don't wanna loose control
and i think i like it!

i have a date for thursday night
and i am not in Sydney yet!
i have been asked out for a dinner to experience the thai-food.
and the gentelemen is someone who changes my life in the last couple of month.
my only but beloved friend in Sydney.

unbelievable!
this is my last night here in town.
and althought it was not a real party tonight some of my real best friends were here.
i felt so good that so many people called and came over on their own.
gosh i made such good friends here!!
i wish i could take the special ones with me!
anyway a journey is a journey when you're on your own.
isn't it?

respect the tech of mp3!!

hello is it me you're looking for!?

bye bye party!!!
thanks guys!!
it fells good to be loves
and to know that i'll be missed!

dance me to the end of loveee!!!

is this a dream or what
perfect love life nowadays
academic carreer is at the door
i am full of love and joy
and cannot wait to share them with my new colleages!!

oh my God!!
6 nights and 7 days
I have left !!!
then Emiratessss!!
dubaiii, sydneyyy!!
gosh what have i done!?

visa visa visa visa!!!
i got my visa!
went to dinner to celebrate my victory!
went to "nevizade" to celebrate my mission!
came home to tell myself
this is no joke but a journey...

struggle
everyday

the last couple of days Kadiköy has been my spot.
it was weird because i usually never go there to hang out but only because i got staff to do.
last night it was quiet fun; drinking beer in the fresh air, two boys two girls flirting with everyone but not each other...that is what friendship is all about. isn't it?
every single day i go out with different group of friends of mine.
today i have a week left in İstanbul.
then i won't be available for a whole year.

there is a birthday party to attend this evening
birthday of someone i really cherish whom i got a red bag as a birthday present
obviously i enjoy the birthdaypersons' company!

got to get a cell phone.
people are gonna want to hear my voice!
i love it when people love me!

hot day...
is gonna get hotter
but i ain't gonna be here...
no way!
please god let me go on!!!
no embassy can get between me and my dreams!
congratulations on my lust for a new beginning!
i just wish i did not have to bring along my ass.

you've got mail
from someone you are gonna meet in exactly two weeks
"thought there is love in everything and everyone one you are so naive!!!"
sydney here i come
slleping on the couch for a couple of night
then have a single studio apartment!!!
huge deal
don't you think?

saturday sunday
summer house
sun burn
wet
too much fish
too much ice cream

i know i haven't done much for this new phase for a time
but the newest phase is about to begin on 13th of july i am going somewhere totally distant.

officially
i got a boyfriend!!
all weekend
and last night
a movie and some alone time.
i like it!

officially a masters' student ia m of today with an apartment of my own!
gosh it is going to be just amazing!

i am weird

weird night
somebody broke into my car
i had a long talk with my ex that was lovely and sweet
and i feel good
because i am going to sydney!!!

enrolled to the university of sydney
master of arts
congratulation
how did i make the choice is a different issue
just flipped a coin!

all i need to
is to find out if i steel rely want to
continue i don’t know if it’s to late
but i think it’s the best thing we can do
for both me and you

you steel be everything
i know that i wanted
and everything that i needed
but it doesn’t mean that this is the end
this is not the end

all i wants just a little more time
a little more time
just a little more time
all i wants just a little more time
a little more time
a little more time
to make up my mind

its not a bad thing
i would never do anything to hurt you
and i know you rely felt the same way to
i keep telling my self you didn’t mean to
but i forgive you

for you hurt me
but i rely hope that one day you will see
the reason i breathe is for you and me
but it doesn’t mean that this is the end
this is not the end

all i wants just a little more time
a little more time
just a little more time
all i wants just a little more time
a little more time
a little more time
to make up my mind

all i wanted was some time to make up my mind
ohh… and i do rely hope that we could work it out
cause love like ours is hard to find

ohh…

all i wanted was some time to make up my mind
ohh…

some people are nice.
some people seem nice.

monday what a lovely dayy!
got drunk at the "local".
wanted to go dancing but everywhere is closed.
what a lovely day!
so innocent.

i am the fire starter
the lover is the giver
oh what a lovely day!
finally i lost my mind
all the cute guys stole it and ran away and sold it to the devil
who is much smarter by now.

everyone is after everyone these days
i find it really ironic that women chase men more often!
ironic isn't it?
no it is not.
there are more women then men in urban areas!
gosh too much sociology kills
:)

when the caged bird sings
it sound as i do
and feels good!
at least to the performer.

oh god!
a message and a call from a boy once i loved very much...
and not being there then he was but where i always be but not only for this one time.
confusing right!
so i was.
and then the next night so many cute guys.
all coming onto me
felt just so good
was just what i needed.
now i am back on track hopefully.
but must decide fast which one i really want because got only a month to fall in love and fall out of love

this pain is like nothing else.
i wish i was dead.

mayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
please be home.
i beg you
please just be home.
or if you're gone
come backkkkkkkkkkkk!

the color of the night
i wish you were here with me in my bedroom on my bed staring out the window to the most amazing blue my eyes have ever witnessed.

oh my God!
i never believed in fortune telling since tonight!
i was told that someone was going to propose to me and he did so tonight.
this is such an unbelievable experience for me.
may be the school i am gonna go to is already know too.
my man my kids my affairs .... everything.
feels so weird.

sunbeam shone, mousy girl on the end pew
you'd stay home, oh if only they let you
le pastie de la bourgeoisie

municipal pool, you're a junior life saver
but you're friends are all serious ravers
le pastie de la bourgeoisie
reading judy blume
but you came too soon

you're too tall, much too tall for a boyfriend
they run and hide, from your buck tooth and split ends
don't be scared, like the books you've read
you're the heroine
you'll be doing fine

wouldn't you like to get away?
bestowing the memory of good and evil
on the ones you left behind
the heartless swine

and you love like nobody around you
how you love, and a halo surrounds you
le pastie de la bourgeoisie
in the autumn cool
say cheerio to school

listen dear, i've been watching you lately
if i said all these things you would hate me
le pastie de la bourgeoisie
at the church bazaar
i nearly went too far

wouldn't you like to get away?
kerouac's beckoning with open arms,
and open fields of eucalyptus
westward bound

wouldn't you like to get away?
give yourself up to the allure of
catcher in the rye
the future's swathed in stars and stripes

get me away from here i'm dying!

belle and sebastian
really said what i meant

ooh! get me away from here i'm dying
play me a song to set me free
nobody writes them like they used to
so it may as well be me
here on my own now after hours
here on my own now on a bus
think of it this way
you could either be successful or be us
with our winning smiles, and us
with our catchy tunes, and us
now we're photogenic
you know, we don't stand a chance

oh, i'll settle down with some old story
about a boy who's just like me
thought there was love in everything and everyone
you're so naive!
they always feature sorry endings
they always get it in the end
still it was worth it as i turned the pages solemnly, and then
with a winning smile, the boy
with naivety succeeds
at the final moment, i cried
i always cry at endings

oh, that wasn't what i meant to say at all
from where i'm sitting, rain
falling against the lonely tenement
has set my mind to wander
into the windows of my lovers
they never know unless i write
"this is no declaration, i just thought i'd let you know goodbye"
said the hero in the story
"it is mightier than swords
i could kill you sure
but i could only make you cry with these words"

i was five and you were six
we rode on horses made of sticks
i wore black, you wore white
you would always win the fight

seasons came and changed the time
i grew up, i called you mine
you would always laugh and say
remember when we used to play

music played and people sang
just for me the church bells rang
after echoes from a gun
we both vowed that we'd be one
now you're gone i don't know why
sometimes i cry
you didn't say goodbye
you didn't take the time to lie

bang bang, you shot me down
bang bang, i hit the ground
bang bang, that awful sound
bang bang, my baby shot me down.

i never hid myself behind computer screens or typingboards or mouses.
i was always out there meeting real people
fullfilled with some real experiences
is that why i am not a bit scared but horrified!?

a futureteller told me my future
not just some futureteller
this one told me
a big white heart in a castle
standing by a symbol like the one i imagined
smiling bcs happy to see my luck widening its doors to the world...

see the pyramids along the nile
watch the sunrise from a tropic isle
just remember, darling all the while
you belong to me

see the marketplace in old algiers
send me photographs and souvenirs
just remember when a dream appears
you belong to me

i'll be so alone without you
maybe you'll be lonesome too
and blue

fly the ocean in a silver plane
see the jungle when it's wet with rain
just remember 'til you're home again
you belong to me

i'll be so alone without you
maybe you'll be lonesome too
and blue

fly the ocean in a silver plane
see the jungle when it's wet with rain
just remember 'til you're home again
you belong to me

i am officialy an sourtimes writer.
thanks for your applause!

i could escape this feeling with my china girl
i feel a wreck without my little china girl
i hear her heart beating loud as thunder
saw they stars crashing

i'm a mess without my little china girl
wake up mornings where's my little china girl
i hear her heart's beating loud as thunder
saw they stars crashing down

i feel a-tragic like i'm marlon brando
when i look at my china girl
i could pretend that nothing really meant too much
when i look at my china girl

i stumble into town just like a sacred cow
visions of swastikas in my head
plans for everyone
it's in the whites of my eyes

my little china girl
you shouldn't mess with me
i'll ruin everything you are
i'll give you television
i'll give you eyes of blue
i'll give you men who want to rule the world

and when i get excited
my little china girl says
oh baby just you shut your mouth
she says ... sh-sh-shhh

if i am ever gonna be occupied want to be a loser.
i want to lose all day ( of course during work hours ), and get paid for it.
please god make my dreams come true and never let me down to having suppose to be occupied because then all i am gonna be is a loser!
a loser!
may even be two!

f.c.u.k.

should i stay or should i go?

please!!

i just got home
and still and drove for so long that my ass still feels the car seat!

a weekend away is nice!
friday nights i am a bitch
sunday night i am a magdalane sister!

so far so good

this is what i call international relations!

he really is married.
is it a big deal?
should this matter to me?
considering the fact that i have not seen him for so long
thought of him so few
but only remembered the memories gently.
is this it?
is this how love ends?
true love where you think of your beloved more than anything else in the whole wild world!

forever young.

i am the beloved nowadays.
everyone seems to be after me.
so agrressive i have become against those who desire me.
so smooth to those i love.

buffy ends this season.
spike dies in buffy and comes back to angel.
faith goes back to buffy.
cordelia's kid is gonna be the bad guy of the next series.
i watched it all in Berlin before!!

i am going on a vacation tomorrow!
with 4 guys...
i am such a shame!!

one hell of a night
do you know there are people you can talk about anything
do anything with
you know...
people with whom you can be really you!!
you don't know?!
what a shame.

cure.
i'm in love.

it just occured to me that i met someone really suitable for my temporary positioning;
and oh God did i just let him slip away from my hands.
Fridaay I'm in love!!

sascha, troy, sting, araf...
sunday.

got to quit it.

dorothy perkins, levi's, zara...
too much shopping might cause permanent brain damage.

dorothy perkins, levi's, zara...
too much shopping might cause permanent brain damage.

dorothy perkins, levi's, zara...
too much shopping might cause permanent brain damage.

rythm line bronx roxy...
i am going bitcher and bitcher everyday!!!

rythm line bronx roxy...
i am going bitcher and bitcher everyday!!!

so many men
trying to get me
what the hell ever that means
i am tired of running away
so tired
so drunk
oh god thanks that i still survive with my dignity.

so many men
trying to get me
what the hell ever that means
i am tired of running away
so tired
so drunk
oh god thanks that i still survive with my dignity.

wish me luck...
i am only happy when it rains...

today is gonna be a tough day
a rough day...
got some much to do although time is enough
my nerves may not be.
still o tense...

today is gonna be a tough day
a rough day...
got some much to do although time is enough
my nerves may not be.
still o tense...

got to go
and break the bonds...
i feel dizzy about it.
what should i be thankful for...they should thank me!
all the work i did and the way i was treated the last day, it was awful..
i wish it was on tape so that i had some proof!
oh God help me get over this as fast and smooth as possible.
why do i feel so tense still?

i hate some people.
really hate them.
especially those with no intellectual aspect but only ignorance,
and still they pretend to be someone else someone more info loaded.
why ? what the hell for do you pretend ?

written so many words in the last couple of hours
and may be even more
but for only one
just please be worth it!

i need better friends.
that's for sure.

sydney
here i come
you can't hide
gonna findd u
and take it slowly

porn porn porn
for the first time in history
raki and porn...

i better star reading
better get used to it
or i'll suck over the ocean
above the clouds
by the angel looking hot surfing boys
got to go...

sydney
new south wales
monash

come onnnnnnn!

i sleep to muchh
or none
what have i become
i do not care much about the rest it seems
just wanna know what's next...

pretty dirty things

pretty dirty things

my pervert had an operation
he had one of his kidneys removed
wonder why

beliz'i özledim.

i had a car accident last evening.
i was shocked.
and my new car was a bit shaken also.
i am having a great weekend with friends i enjoy very much.
i think i am gonna miss many of them when i am gone.
but hopefully they will have replacements
euheueheuh

olcay is my new best friend!

i rock babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
i fucking rock really fucking like hell!!
oh yea baby
i did it!
i am gonna rock sydneyyy!

a decent job a man ...not what i am looking for.
nothing decent attracts me anymore
not since my heart got fucked up so bad that i cannot stop loving because i am addicted to the pain.
weird ha?
no more than...
because if u think this is weird the rest would only tramatise u petite.

i don't see how anyone can accept a life without trace
no trace because they do nothing uniqeu
when i do something
i want my art to say this is hers
i am hers
i am her
i want it to be a part of me
of this whole experience or journey or what the fuck ever anyone else might name it
well gotta believe in tomorrow
yea just gotta!

i am gonna go
easiest line to write
hardest to do nowadays
oh god please help me go forward
i am so sick of ending a journey where i began in the first place

whenever i take a look what i wrote before
it only makes me feel bad
even the good times hurt me
why is that?
when where how why did i decide to leave everything i had
is it because i did not have much
or that i had to leave not to be embarrassed any longer
why am i up right now
i wanna be asleep
these long night are killing me
i cannot do anything
too old to watch a movie to read a book or to live
but too young to feel to heavy
balance is what is missing from my life
from my time
beatles is just like these long night
killing me
oh yea love was easy to play
when i was loved
really

yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
now i need a place to hide away
oh, i believe in yesterday

why she had to go i don't know, she wouldn't say
i said something wrong, now i long for yesterday

i am fucking jealous!
why do these married couples keep running into me!!
literally actually running into me!
why?

what kind of a life would i have then
and what kind of a life do i have now...
or am gonna have soon.

he got married.
i knew it since he stopped writing me
but marriage isn't that a huge deal?
i don't know how he feels about the woman he married but i suppose he married a "woman".
anyway i wrote him a long reply asking him billions of questions.
hopefully i'll be informed soon...
but i am so confused nw
the idea that it could be me whom he just married few months ago...

soulseek made me lose my soul!
i spent too much today as usual.
i don't want new staff i cannot take all with me.
those left behind will go bad eventually...
silly me!

free for almost 3 more daysss!!!
heyo!!

since i applied for masters
i have done nothing but throwing out my staff as garbage
and i feel i am gonna be doing this for a while
par example: till i'm gone for good...

i don't want any tv today!! reading listening but no watching!!
oh god i did not know that i got myself so tired.
why do i do this to myself
never rest
why
who the fuck is paying me to rock myself apart...

for the first time in history i got myself a local cd
totally full of old times turkish songs
mostly love songs
no man to love
but my heart is obivously full of it...

hey dude
let's make it happen!

got to go back there
have to sleep at some point

but the one i am seeing nowadays is much more realistic since evil forces do not scare me anymore.

i cannot sleep at night nowadays.
i have the exact same dream every night no matter what.
that is why i cannot sleep right now.
i don't wanna go back there.
the same thing had happened to me when i was a kid.
i used to see myself in a train station with a couch and the train went by without stopping every time and i had to run after it.
or hide myself behind the couch because of the evil forces...etc.
now i am not as comfortable telling the dream i am having nowadays as telling my childhood dream because i am still under the influence of it.

too late..
thrown away.
each and every day.
i am on a road which i have no idea where it ends.
and once you're there got to move on other wise you get lost.
anything that has a beginning is said to be having an end.
so i will get somewhere someday hopefully soon.
why do i never think of men so desperately.
there are although few some people who are dying to have boyfriend, who think that they are in love with anyone who asks them out; and here i am so picky!
there women who can love any man back.and when thing so wrong they say it is just was not meant to be. then why did u do it?
why?
because these girls are so desperate, so scared to go out there are chase what could be best for them.
thank god i am not one of them.
no man is my life.
when i love i really do so for many years.
not a few months even weeks
my love my sexuality is still mine, not in the market.
thanks god that you have given me all that i have, and will have.

my apartment is full of guys again!!
these football games made me quiet popular!
beer and footbal...
i am going male!!!

yaz bana be koçum!
iki kelime olsun yaz bana.

did a hell of a shopping!
i hope it is quiet cold over there cause the staff on sale was onyly sweater!
uniteed colors of benetton...

i have been expectins e-mails from many men for the last couple of days.
none have written yet.
what i am scared of is that it might be too late when they do.
isn't this the traditional ritual of love and affection?

i watch hell of a movies today!
istanbul film festival took place at my apartment!
i feel so satisfied...intellectually!

i am gonna fantasise great staff up until the moment when they come true!

i love u jay jay
i love u jay jay

i have all these visions in my mind about how things are going to work out,
but there is this feeling in my hearts that says it is gonna work out much better!

i have applied for masters' degree in australia today.

i am getting dressed to go out enjoy the sun and the market of youth!
chat with my friends.
i feel so good about all of this going on in my life.

this excitement is growing by the minute.
we all have started to get drawn in the details when the admission is unknown.
oh please this one month should go by so fast that i might remember it as if it was a day when i am through this.
many people went and came back from different contexts.
but i feel like my experience is going to be different.
that it is going to change my life so permanently that i won't be back.
people are only experts in suffering.
but i know how to enjoy what i have.

nobody knows this blogspot.
on my own here it seems.

i cannot take this anymoree!
this is a repeatition of myself again!
i know!
but the stress is too much, i just don't think i can take it anymore.
i need some time off, and it's coming.

this is so weared.
i know i seem to repeat myself but this is true.
i am in such a rush to apply for masters degree in australia.
this has been my ultimate dream since i was seven,
since i was concious of my existence in other words.
now i gotto sit down and tell those people over there how much i want what they have...

i am going to prague!!
oh my god!!
this is a dream come true!!

hey dude!
let's make it happen!
8 o'clock 1stbirthday
10o'clock 2nd birthday
midnignt 3rd birthday
.......
dancing until the morning.

i should have dressed better!!

birthday parties tripledd!!!
oh my god!!

do i get tired?
it doesn't seem to be so...
two birthday parties to attend tomorrow night.
oh my god!
fun is like a cancer!!

friday!!
dinner, a movie...
friends!!
disco, lots of dancing...

bu sabah yalnız uyandım
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
tanıdık kokular yok
sensiz olmaz

kahvaltım anlamsızdı
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
ilk sigaram bile tatsızdı
sensiz olmaz

anlaşılan alışmışım
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
bir verdiysem iki almışım
sensiz olmaz

aşk bir dengesizlik işi
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
dengeye dönüşendir sevgi
sensiz olmaz

yine kendi kendime sormadan duramadım
niye seni böyle istiyorum bulamadım

yalnızlık zor sokaklar çıkmaz
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
hep tekdüze her şey dümdüz
sensiz olmaz

anlamak çozmeye yetmez
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
biraz telaşlı, huzursuz
sensiz olmaz

yine kendi kendime sormadan duramadım
niye seni böyle istiyorum bulamadım

gece gelmiş, yatağım boş
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
sen uzaktasın, ben uzanmış
sensiz olmaz

anlamak çozmeye yetmez
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
biraz telaşlı, huzursuz
sensiz olmaz

yine kendi kendime sormadan duramadım
niye seni böyle istiyorum bulamadım

yesterday i did not go to work
today i did not go to work
somethings wrong with me
probably what happened tuesday night...
i spent whole night dancing with an exclusive person in my life.
the one who made me have to open a new phase
and still he is a part of it.
he asked me in the morning why there was no pictures of him in my rooms
all i could say was that he did not look good enough in the pictures.
but the reason was that he broke my heart so badly i could not stand the sight of him
as long as he himself wasn't around to show me compassion or love.
which one ever he possesses.

jesse paints a picture about how it's gonna be!!!

E

what is this about me
that i want to have things done as soon as possible
what's the rush
where am i going
what am i trying to catch up with
u?

22
i hate it

sometimes it feels great to be me
sometimes it doesn't
but if it ever was given to me to be someone else
i would be someone else just to see who i am from a different point of view
not because i wanna be someone else

so much i wanna do
so little time
everyone thinks i am just ruining myself
but it's just that this is mee!!
i can't stoıp till i'm done.
australiaaa i'm comingggg

tomorrow tomorrow
i love uu tomorrowww

i miss the old days
really
nothing seemed so confusing then
i am not home
never home
where is home
nowhere i guess as long as the one is not there...

no woman no cry

may be i was better off without him.
may be not.

a man i used to find really attractive
is now so repulsive that
words are not enough to express
all i got on my mind.

friday i'm in love....
cure.

friday...
oh man drive me crazy with their ego-centric suggestions...

a brand new car
a refreshed man
a left-out school
too many friend
too small time
......
work is my home now.

what a weekend!

lunch.stop.
today.stop.
cute.stop.

i was gonna write the name
but i just changed my mind

last night
i saw the sun
the moon
the mountains
and the rivers

i saw heaven when i'm making love to you!!!

got to get back to work!
thanks for your concern!
applause...

i did hell of a shopping!
burn in hell "metrocity" !..

this is strictly business.

some friendSSS from the States are here.
thank God.
i adore Niggers as u might call!!

deep down inside
a very sophisticated intellectual is writing these lines
thank u.

gol be gol
amına koyyım fenerin!
i don't wanna swear in english!
ebenizin amına yarrak sokiyim geberin be ibnenin piçleri fenerliler!

boys boys boys
don't break my heart!

i have no idea still why i am writing in english
but just being never too clear about what i got on my mind makes me feel more comfortable i guess.

i am gonna do this
and do it right!

four nights in a row that i spent out!
i am gonna meet with my ex-lover this week
who knows he might become the formal one!
i want himm so muchhh
and he knows it
and i knoow he wantsss mee!!
i am so cute in business outfit!
i also want the cameraman!
mucxx.

atv

so i don't mean u bitch!!

God be with us all!

PS: when i say all i mean those i like...thank u.

somebody gave me a job!
i am gonna be in a television station
i am actually gonna work!
god bless us all!
the end is close it seems..

not pregnant..
i am such a lucky bitch!!!
i should gamble more oftennn!!!

cold mountain
21 grams
monster
l'appartment
devils' backbone....
somewhere over there...

soryy could not write for a while
i was busy getting compliments!
roxyyyyy!

a real friend would want to know what's going on in your life because she cares about you,
not to satisfy her own curiosity.
shame on u.
ain't no friend any longer.

happy valentines.

i want someone else!
whom i have not met yet.
but soon.
still i am into this shit now.
i wish what i had was worth something but the cruel part is that it wasn't.
nothing is worth the shame i feel right now.
ok i lied!oh ym god i even lie to myself! true whore am i not!
i feel no shame that's the worst part not that it did not enjoy as much as expected.
i am a shameless bitch!
thank you.

here comes the bomb!
i fucked a friend!
a good friend of mine!
literally!now i feel stuck
do i have a boyfriend on valentines?
or am i mutating into a bitch slowly?
this site has no help just extends the wideness of questions in mind.
is this how i thought i would bewhen i was a kid?
all this college education, intellectual vision, all those books read, trips to different end of the same world...
and see what i have almost become?
not a student even.
you cannot name someone who does nothing on it a student although she is registered to college.
what am i thinking?
georgeous view of my apartment is no help...
many men on the same bed... all mine.
some good some worse.
friends are all dissapointments.
i swear they all are.
everyone is after something, minor or major.
but everyone is stocking me as if.
so what is most painfull is that i cannot tell anyone.
i really do want to talk to someone.
my ever first friend in life is the only one whom i could tell it all sincerely.
billy jean is not my love!but she says i am the one!
things would be much easier if thee were no one in the middle, a best friend and a girl friend is present.
oh my god!
i am the mistress!
i never thought i would be, there are obviously many other things,qualification i never thought i would posses.
life is full of suprises...
only suprises but nothing more.

i never thought such mistakes in timing would ever happen to me.
but you know
everthing is for the man kind.
mistakes also.
i just hope that it's not too late.
and i get to the heart of my beloved by valentines day
not that it means something but that it might if we come together then.

a night spent in the arms of the beloved...
a feel like shit still!
ok let's just deal...
i am gonna change starting tomorrow..
but might be a slow process.
apologies for the disturbance we cause to the environment.
thank you

tomorrow evening
party at my place
it has a theme of course
the exclusive "manti" party!!
oh peopleeeeee i love u too!!!
the paradox lies in the question: "how am i gonna cook for so many people?"
.........

got to go....
everyday is the same almost.
get up, breakfast, get dressed, go out , have fun...
come back many days later on....
maya is gonna kill me someday....

things get stuck sometimes.
sometimes doesn't.
but with me everything is always stuck.
why am i always in such a hurry?
what's the rush?
is it the 22?
is it me?
just wish time worked for me....
of course would get paid...

or may be it is too early to think at all!
i should not think about it....
it ....
see i am thinking about it.
fuck!

i know it is too late to think straight but i'll give it a shot!
i wantttt this to become true!
i need it so much!
i don't really care short term or long term
please god make this true!make it real!
make him mineeee!!

yes!!!
i think this is it!!
what i've been looking for!!!
loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

tonight is the night when two become oneeee!!

i hate myself when i let a friend down.
i hate myself right now.
i'm sorry dude!next friday total party!

it should be illegal for me to go outside in day time..
just like it is for vampires..
since they get burnt by sunshine, and i get burnt by shopping!!
oh god i bought a bag again!!!
save my soulll!!! if not my wallet!

last saturday i got a hair cut
too short!!
but too cute also!!
i think i seem a bit different now
more mature
but only seem so!!
cause i think i'm in love with my friend,
worse my friend's lover!
f.u.c.k. t.h.i.s. s.h.i.t.

what do i do when my love is away
does it worry cause you're on your own?

close your eyes and i'll kiss u
tomorrow i'll miss u
remember i'll always be true!!!

road trip...
shouting out loud singing this and driving 120 km/hr.

"close your eyes
give me your hand
darling, do you feel
my heart beating?
do you understand?
do you feel the same
or am i only dreaming?
is this burning?
an eternal flame
i believe it's meant to be darling
i watch you when you're sleeping
you belong with me
do you feel the same
or am i only dreaming?
but is this burning (burning)?
an eternal flame
say my name
sun shines through the rain
of all life so lonely
then come and ease the pain
i don't want to lose this feeling"


what?
can't i make mistakes?
feeling ain't there to be thought about.
are they?

22

weared?
not enough to explain these days.
confused?
besst word to explain me in these couple of days.
god... please do see me!
at some point!

unbelievable hours spent..
soon to forget
far to remember...

no reply yet...
but soon the end will come
which is not mine nearly..

hi cousin!

i wrote the toughest sentences of my life.
in tears.
i wish i was someone else...
just so that i didn't have to write those lines..
please thoughts go a.w.a.y!

i wonder how
i wonder why
really all i do now is to wonder...

chinese, a movie, some love and affection.
touchy staff ha?
i fell so too.
so confused about how to be who and when...
scared to see him and more than that to know that he is around.
so scared.
i am going to a brunch with an unusual friend tomorrow...
wish me luck.

the white out there is so comforting, peaceful

refreshing
hopefull....
wish it was me over the roofs....

i love the view of my apartment!!
my apartment!!
my view!!!
my friends! my books,cd's,jokes, memories!!
oh my god!!
i'm a grownnn up!!
f.u.c.k.

i love the white out there
just like my name
i got myself a date for monday
and really excited about it
tonight i got to and taste salade at my best friends' house
if it's bad i still got to eat so wish me luck
home parties rock!

my life sucks.
but i make it worth dying for.
thank u thank u

i just woke up.
spent the night in a disco fight.
but still had so much fun.
having a lover is not enough for me it seems.
i want more.
sorry.
gonna be out tonight either.
i am a bitch i'm a saint!!
i'm a bitchy saint...

love ain't no good for no one.
paranoid has began.
its eating me from inside.
what happens now? is the question.
i don't ask whether to be or not be.
because what's the point if u ain't gonna "be"?

you either pay for "good" in advance or afterwards.
but you gotta pay.
it's a market ( of happiness ) which distincts itself from other markets by its lack of demand-supply relations.
there is just demand....

so what happens when you do something but never realize the consequences?
what happens when you know the consequences and still do that thing?
what happens when you just let things go in such a way that you follow your desires without considering the price you might have to pay?
what happens when you won't have to pay any prices and still get what you want even though you act how your feeling make you act?
the latter would definitely be my choice.

so we maybe gorgeous
so we maybe famous
come back when we're getting old

cover us in chocolate
sell us to the neighbours
frame us on a video

clone us in a test tube
sell us to the multitude
guess that's the price of fame

she likes the black one
he likes the the posh one
cute ones are usually gay

here we come this is our destiny calling
we're freaks
this is our destiny calling
unique
this is our destiny calling now

don't believe the adverts
don't believe the experts
everyone will sell our souls

get a little wiser
get a little humble
now we know that we don't know

tell us when our time's up
show us how to die well
show us how to let it all go

here we come this is our destiny calling
we're freaks
this is our destiny calling
unique
this is our destiny calling now

some fat cat's playing the roulette with lives
this game is fixed it's all a lie
some fat cat's playing the roulette with lives
this time is good, there's no straight lines
some fat cat's playing the roulette with lives
forget myself we're all entwined
there's no straight lines

here we come this our destiny calling
we're freaks
this is our destiny calling
unique
this is our destiny calling now

here we come this our destiny calling
we're freaks
this is our destiny calling
unique
this is our destiny calling now

this is our destiny calling
now

every time i hear my song on the radio i keep moving closer and closer to u

such a joke!
so incredable!
not so shocking!
but a little dazzling!
it's my life!

big in japan!!!!

this bad girl has her birthday today.
things do change.
and this phase is about to end where it began in the first place.
but people don't.
i wish myself a new age full of lust and happiness.

i had some friends over the whoooleee day.
now i am all dressed up and gonna go out to have fun!
having a car did not make me a better girl.
uuuhhh bad girl bad girl!
i have a final first thing tomorrow morning.
but nothing can stop me!!

you know what i love about myself the most!
friends!!!
i am hell of a good friend, and hell of a scary foe that all i got is friends.
i like it.
my birthday is coming, and i feel more and more special everyday.
my ex-lovers call me. do u know why? because they know i never mean to do any harm although i suck sometimes.
i know myself.
at least better than i know some of u.
i am no way stepping back.
this journey is mine, and gonna stay that way.

things begin to suck again nowadays.
too many flashback come into mind.
am i scared?
may be.
should be ( most probably! )
but i am strong!!
i don't wanna be where i was in the first place.
if i am gonna move forth then it's fine i'll definitely move my ass.
but what's the point if i ain't gonna get somewhere new better different?
no point, right?

excitement is good for health!!
my hormones work like they never did!!!
total excitement!

i got myself many new staff in these last couple of days
including a car.
am i more of a grown up now?
or still sixteen?
the latter one i guess.
sorry dude.

when the lights go out
my soul fulfills itself
i fell really weird right now
as if i'm in a movie of some sort
am i?

i got my "self" done.
does this suppose to mean that i am hoping for anyhing coming?
just a question, no answers expected.
and i realized that i fing vincent cassel very very very attractive.
just a small notice.