i misunderstood myself
my goal
view of everything
in other words
perspective.
wrong guy!
again.
got to give up
but not gonna

still drunk.

so drunk that i might even fuck myself

still
cannot sleep

i would love to tell all about tonight
but scares me
to get through it again.
to be touched in such a manner
the touch of a loving man!!

i am so cold....

it is only myself that i cannot help at all.
tears follow me everywhere.
why do i do this to myself?
why do i always have to rush myself into things?
to be loved scares me
not to be loved feels lonely
the more i try to express myself the worst i am in deep shit

as i try to make my way to the ordinary world
i will try to survive

ohhh
i am so happy that he called
he is thinking of me too
i am gonna see him today in 19 hours.
i lost my mind!
where is my mind?

gosh!!
it is always men who get in the way to my success!

got to get him off my mind
and focus on my dissertation subject.

called.
i never thought he would.

life is too short to spend on sleeping
right?
ohhhhhhhhh noooo
i just want some deep refreshing sleep!!
and stop thinking about him!

behold yourself my beloved
i am on my way to your heart
and not just that but to your life.

i want to write his name.
but i shouldn't.
because if things don't go the way i image
it hurts even more.

fat little notebook

i wanna walk with you on a cloudy day

i wanted new experience
now i cannot sleep
because of them.
i cannot stop thinking about the things i am getting myself into.
i do staff i would never do back home.
am i changing? or is it only the context that makes this me like this? time will show i guess.

.......
beyz- too hot chick

sometimes i feel like i am drunk behind the wheel the wheel of possibility however it may roll give it a spin see if you can somehow factor in
you know there's always more than one way to say exactly what you mean to say
was i out of my head?
was i out of my mind?
how could i have ever been so blind?
i was waiting for an indication it was hard to find
don't matter what i say only what i do i never mean to do bad things to you so quiet but i finally woke up if you're sad then it's time you spoke up too...

i met someone.
was i out of my head-Fast Ball

atatürk!!
that's whom i am like.
coffee and alcohol together.
good thinking.
and great decision!

my second saturday here
manly beach
darling harbour
city market
the central...
movies with bacardi breeze orange!
i like it here!

it is going to be tough
but the tougher it gets
i am gonna be even tougher than that.
gosh be there please.

It is going to be tough
as tough as it gets
i am gonna be tougher!

there are many things that i would like to say to you but i don't know how
because may be you are gonna be the one that saints me and after all you're my wonderwall!

hi!
things have changed recently.
i am living in sydney now
the most wonderful city the world has ever witnessed.
everyday as i am walking around i appreciate the goodness flowing in the air.
people do not change but new phases bring people other qualities then their own.
and i believe this city is making me more and more further myself who is actually very touchy and at the same time joyful.
what a city man has created!

those who have broken my heart
i forgive you
but that does not necessarily mean that it is forgetten
only forgiven.
 

got to go get ready.
but you were always on my minddd!!

she sent me a message
' sana iyi yolculuklar beyzacım. du$ seni özlicek. biz de. '
i am missing so much!!

i am so excited
i just can't hide it!i don't wanna loose control
and i think i like it!

i have a date for thursday night
and i am not in Sydney yet!
i have been asked out for a dinner to experience the thai-food.
and the gentelemen is someone who changes my life in the last couple of month.
my only but beloved friend in Sydney.

unbelievable!
this is my last night here in town.
and althought it was not a real party tonight some of my real best friends were here.
i felt so good that so many people called and came over on their own.
gosh i made such good friends here!!
i wish i could take the special ones with me!
anyway a journey is a journey when you're on your own.
isn't it?

respect the tech of mp3!!

hello is it me you're looking for!?

bye bye party!!!
thanks guys!!
it fells good to be loves
and to know that i'll be missed!

dance me to the end of loveee!!!

is this a dream or what
perfect love life nowadays
academic carreer is at the door
i am full of love and joy
and cannot wait to share them with my new colleages!!

oh my God!!
6 nights and 7 days
I have left !!!
then Emiratessss!!
dubaiii, sydneyyy!!
gosh what have i done!?

visa visa visa visa!!!
i got my visa!
went to dinner to celebrate my victory!
went to "nevizade" to celebrate my mission!
came home to tell myself
this is no joke but a journey...

struggle
everyday

the last couple of days Kadiköy has been my spot.
it was weird because i usually never go there to hang out but only because i got staff to do.
last night it was quiet fun; drinking beer in the fresh air, two boys two girls flirting with everyone but not each other...that is what friendship is all about. isn't it?
every single day i go out with different group of friends of mine.
today i have a week left in İstanbul.
then i won't be available for a whole year.