how long before i get in? before it starts, before i begin? how long before you decide? before i know what it feels like? where do, where do i go? if you never tried, then you'll never know. how long do i have to climb, up on this side of this mountain of mine? look up, i look up at night, planets are moving at the speed of light. climb up, up in the trees, every chance that you get, is a chance you seize. how long am i gonna’ stand, with my head stuck under the sand? i’ll start before i can stop, before i see things the right way up. and all that noise, all that sound, all these pieces that i have found. and birds go flying at the speed of sound, to show you how it all began. birds come flying from the underground, if you could see it then you'd understand… ideas that you'll never find, all the inventors could never design. the buildings that you put up, japan and china all lit up. the sign that i couldn't read, or a light that i couldn't see, something’s you have to believe, but others are puzzles, puzzling me. and all that noise, all that sound, all those pieces that i have found. and birds go flying at the speed of sound, to show you how it all began. birds come flying from the underground, if you could see it then you'd understand, oh when you see it then you'll understand… all those signs, i knew what they meant. something’s you can invent. some get made, and some get sent, ooh… birds go flying at the speed of sound, to show you how it all began. birds came flying from the underground, if you could see it then you'd understand, oh, when you see it then you'll understand…

thank god for everything everyday they say.
but i prefer just enjoying it, since i'll have enough time with him once i'm gone
for good.

just came home. i drank a lot.
i saw my ex today. it was a bit hard on me. because he looked just fine, but i did not feel anything. i think my heart is stone at least towards him by now.
love is so weird, once a bitch always a bitch.
i come to think of it, sometimes i look around and i say to myself;
Beyza how did u do this? how come you are living in sydney, your own apartment, a new life, great friends, heaps of lovers, new clothes, new style but still old you?
and then i tell myself;
it is because who i am is good enough.

i am beginning to really enjoy old songs, classics in sydney. i am sleeping more, wanna stay home more. love tv more ( if that is possible ).
i am afraid to go home more.

i am so depressed at the moment.
i haven't felt this bad in a long time now.
everything is going so bad.
everything is so empty, so void for me.
i need time to change. i need time to feel again.
now that i come to think about it my life was much better everytime i pushed myself a bit further. love found me whenever i found myself. i have to change before a stroke finds me.