bu sabah yalnız uyandım
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
tanıdık kokular yok
sensiz olmaz

kahvaltım anlamsızdı
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
ilk sigaram bile tatsızdı
sensiz olmaz

anlaşılan alışmışım
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
bir verdiysem iki almışım
sensiz olmaz

aşk bir dengesizlik işi
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
dengeye dönüşendir sevgi
sensiz olmaz

yine kendi kendime sormadan duramadım
niye seni böyle istiyorum bulamadım

yalnızlık zor sokaklar çıkmaz
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
hep tekdüze her şey dümdüz
sensiz olmaz

anlamak çozmeye yetmez
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
biraz telaşlı, huzursuz
sensiz olmaz

yine kendi kendime sormadan duramadım
niye seni böyle istiyorum bulamadım

gece gelmiş, yatağım boş
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
sen uzaktasın, ben uzanmış
sensiz olmaz

anlamak çozmeye yetmez
sensiz olmaz, sensiz olmaz
biraz telaşlı, huzursuz
sensiz olmaz

yine kendi kendime sormadan duramadım
niye seni böyle istiyorum bulamadım

yesterday i did not go to work
today i did not go to work
somethings wrong with me
probably what happened tuesday night...
i spent whole night dancing with an exclusive person in my life.
the one who made me have to open a new phase
and still he is a part of it.
he asked me in the morning why there was no pictures of him in my rooms
all i could say was that he did not look good enough in the pictures.
but the reason was that he broke my heart so badly i could not stand the sight of him
as long as he himself wasn't around to show me compassion or love.
which one ever he possesses.

jesse paints a picture about how it's gonna be!!!

E

what is this about me
that i want to have things done as soon as possible
what's the rush
where am i going
what am i trying to catch up with
u?

22
i hate it

sometimes it feels great to be me
sometimes it doesn't
but if it ever was given to me to be someone else
i would be someone else just to see who i am from a different point of view
not because i wanna be someone else

so much i wanna do
so little time
everyone thinks i am just ruining myself
but it's just that this is mee!!
i can't stoıp till i'm done.
australiaaa i'm comingggg

tomorrow tomorrow
i love uu tomorrowww

i miss the old days
really
nothing seemed so confusing then
i am not home
never home
where is home
nowhere i guess as long as the one is not there...

no woman no cry

may be i was better off without him.
may be not.

a man i used to find really attractive
is now so repulsive that
words are not enough to express
all i got on my mind.

friday i'm in love....
cure.

friday...
oh man drive me crazy with their ego-centric suggestions...

a brand new car
a refreshed man
a left-out school
too many friend
too small time
......
work is my home now.

what a weekend!

lunch.stop.
today.stop.
cute.stop.

i was gonna write the name
but i just changed my mind

last night
i saw the sun
the moon
the mountains
and the rivers

i saw heaven when i'm making love to you!!!

got to get back to work!
thanks for your concern!
applause...

i did hell of a shopping!
burn in hell "metrocity" !..

this is strictly business.

some friendSSS from the States are here.
thank God.
i adore Niggers as u might call!!

deep down inside
a very sophisticated intellectual is writing these lines
thank u.

gol be gol
amına koyyım fenerin!
i don't wanna swear in english!
ebenizin amına yarrak sokiyim geberin be ibnenin piçleri fenerliler!

boys boys boys
don't break my heart!

i have no idea still why i am writing in english
but just being never too clear about what i got on my mind makes me feel more comfortable i guess.

i am gonna do this
and do it right!

four nights in a row that i spent out!
i am gonna meet with my ex-lover this week
who knows he might become the formal one!
i want himm so muchhh
and he knows it
and i knoow he wantsss mee!!
i am so cute in business outfit!
i also want the cameraman!
mucxx.

atv

so i don't mean u bitch!!

God be with us all!

PS: when i say all i mean those i like...thank u.

somebody gave me a job!
i am gonna be in a television station
i am actually gonna work!
god bless us all!
the end is close it seems..

not pregnant..
i am such a lucky bitch!!!
i should gamble more oftennn!!!

cold mountain
21 grams
monster
l'appartment
devils' backbone....
somewhere over there...

soryy could not write for a while
i was busy getting compliments!
roxyyyyy!

a real friend would want to know what's going on in your life because she cares about you,
not to satisfy her own curiosity.
shame on u.
ain't no friend any longer.

happy valentines.

i want someone else!
whom i have not met yet.
but soon.
still i am into this shit now.
i wish what i had was worth something but the cruel part is that it wasn't.
nothing is worth the shame i feel right now.
ok i lied!oh ym god i even lie to myself! true whore am i not!
i feel no shame that's the worst part not that it did not enjoy as much as expected.
i am a shameless bitch!
thank you.

here comes the bomb!
i fucked a friend!
a good friend of mine!
literally!now i feel stuck
do i have a boyfriend on valentines?
or am i mutating into a bitch slowly?
this site has no help just extends the wideness of questions in mind.
is this how i thought i would bewhen i was a kid?
all this college education, intellectual vision, all those books read, trips to different end of the same world...
and see what i have almost become?
not a student even.
you cannot name someone who does nothing on it a student although she is registered to college.
what am i thinking?
georgeous view of my apartment is no help...
many men on the same bed... all mine.
some good some worse.
friends are all dissapointments.
i swear they all are.
everyone is after something, minor or major.
but everyone is stocking me as if.
so what is most painfull is that i cannot tell anyone.
i really do want to talk to someone.
my ever first friend in life is the only one whom i could tell it all sincerely.
billy jean is not my love!but she says i am the one!
things would be much easier if thee were no one in the middle, a best friend and a girl friend is present.
oh my god!
i am the mistress!
i never thought i would be, there are obviously many other things,qualification i never thought i would posses.
life is full of suprises...
only suprises but nothing more.

i never thought such mistakes in timing would ever happen to me.
but you know
everthing is for the man kind.
mistakes also.
i just hope that it's not too late.
and i get to the heart of my beloved by valentines day
not that it means something but that it might if we come together then.

a night spent in the arms of the beloved...
a feel like shit still!
ok let's just deal...
i am gonna change starting tomorrow..
but might be a slow process.
apologies for the disturbance we cause to the environment.
thank you

tomorrow evening
party at my place
it has a theme of course
the exclusive "manti" party!!
oh peopleeeeee i love u too!!!
the paradox lies in the question: "how am i gonna cook for so many people?"
.........

got to go....
everyday is the same almost.
get up, breakfast, get dressed, go out , have fun...
come back many days later on....
maya is gonna kill me someday....

things get stuck sometimes.
sometimes doesn't.
but with me everything is always stuck.
why am i always in such a hurry?
what's the rush?
is it the 22?
is it me?
just wish time worked for me....
of course would get paid...

or may be it is too early to think at all!
i should not think about it....
it ....
see i am thinking about it.
fuck!

i know it is too late to think straight but i'll give it a shot!
i wantttt this to become true!
i need it so much!
i don't really care short term or long term
please god make this true!make it real!
make him mineeee!!

yes!!!
i think this is it!!
what i've been looking for!!!
loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

tonight is the night when two become oneeee!!

i hate myself when i let a friend down.
i hate myself right now.
i'm sorry dude!next friday total party!

it should be illegal for me to go outside in day time..
just like it is for vampires..
since they get burnt by sunshine, and i get burnt by shopping!!
oh god i bought a bag again!!!
save my soulll!!! if not my wallet!

last saturday i got a hair cut
too short!!
but too cute also!!
i think i seem a bit different now
more mature
but only seem so!!
cause i think i'm in love with my friend,
worse my friend's lover!
f.u.c.k. t.h.i.s. s.h.i.t.

what do i do when my love is away
does it worry cause you're on your own?

close your eyes and i'll kiss u
tomorrow i'll miss u
remember i'll always be true!!!

road trip...
shouting out loud singing this and driving 120 km/hr.

"close your eyes
give me your hand
darling, do you feel
my heart beating?
do you understand?
do you feel the same
or am i only dreaming?
is this burning?
an eternal flame
i believe it's meant to be darling
i watch you when you're sleeping
you belong with me
do you feel the same
or am i only dreaming?
but is this burning (burning)?
an eternal flame
say my name
sun shines through the rain
of all life so lonely
then come and ease the pain
i don't want to lose this feeling"


what?
can't i make mistakes?
feeling ain't there to be thought about.
are they?

22

weared?
not enough to explain these days.
confused?
besst word to explain me in these couple of days.
god... please do see me!
at some point!

unbelievable hours spent..
soon to forget
far to remember...

no reply yet...
but soon the end will come
which is not mine nearly..

hi cousin!

i wrote the toughest sentences of my life.
in tears.
i wish i was someone else...
just so that i didn't have to write those lines..
please thoughts go a.w.a.y!

i wonder how
i wonder why
really all i do now is to wonder...

chinese, a movie, some love and affection.
touchy staff ha?
i fell so too.
so confused about how to be who and when...
scared to see him and more than that to know that he is around.
so scared.
i am going to a brunch with an unusual friend tomorrow...
wish me luck.

the white out there is so comforting, peaceful

refreshing
hopefull....
wish it was me over the roofs....

i love the view of my apartment!!
my apartment!!
my view!!!
my friends! my books,cd's,jokes, memories!!
oh my god!!
i'm a grownnn up!!
f.u.c.k.

i love the white out there
just like my name
i got myself a date for monday
and really excited about it
tonight i got to and taste salade at my best friends' house
if it's bad i still got to eat so wish me luck
home parties rock!

my life sucks.
but i make it worth dying for.
thank u thank u

i just woke up.
spent the night in a disco fight.
but still had so much fun.
having a lover is not enough for me it seems.
i want more.
sorry.
gonna be out tonight either.
i am a bitch i'm a saint!!
i'm a bitchy saint...

love ain't no good for no one.
paranoid has began.
its eating me from inside.
what happens now? is the question.
i don't ask whether to be or not be.
because what's the point if u ain't gonna "be"?

you either pay for "good" in advance or afterwards.
but you gotta pay.
it's a market ( of happiness ) which distincts itself from other markets by its lack of demand-supply relations.
there is just demand....

so what happens when you do something but never realize the consequences?
what happens when you know the consequences and still do that thing?
what happens when you just let things go in such a way that you follow your desires without considering the price you might have to pay?
what happens when you won't have to pay any prices and still get what you want even though you act how your feeling make you act?
the latter would definitely be my choice.

so we maybe gorgeous
so we maybe famous
come back when we're getting old

cover us in chocolate
sell us to the neighbours
frame us on a video

clone us in a test tube
sell us to the multitude
guess that's the price of fame

she likes the black one
he likes the the posh one
cute ones are usually gay

here we come this is our destiny calling
we're freaks
this is our destiny calling
unique
this is our destiny calling now

don't believe the adverts
don't believe the experts
everyone will sell our souls

get a little wiser
get a little humble
now we know that we don't know

tell us when our time's up
show us how to die well
show us how to let it all go

here we come this is our destiny calling
we're freaks
this is our destiny calling
unique
this is our destiny calling now

some fat cat's playing the roulette with lives
this game is fixed it's all a lie
some fat cat's playing the roulette with lives
this time is good, there's no straight lines
some fat cat's playing the roulette with lives
forget myself we're all entwined
there's no straight lines

here we come this our destiny calling
we're freaks
this is our destiny calling
unique
this is our destiny calling now

here we come this our destiny calling
we're freaks
this is our destiny calling
unique
this is our destiny calling now

this is our destiny calling
now

every time i hear my song on the radio i keep moving closer and closer to u

such a joke!
so incredable!
not so shocking!
but a little dazzling!
it's my life!

big in japan!!!!

this bad girl has her birthday today.
things do change.
and this phase is about to end where it began in the first place.
but people don't.
i wish myself a new age full of lust and happiness.

i had some friends over the whoooleee day.
now i am all dressed up and gonna go out to have fun!
having a car did not make me a better girl.
uuuhhh bad girl bad girl!
i have a final first thing tomorrow morning.
but nothing can stop me!!

you know what i love about myself the most!
friends!!!
i am hell of a good friend, and hell of a scary foe that all i got is friends.
i like it.
my birthday is coming, and i feel more and more special everyday.
my ex-lovers call me. do u know why? because they know i never mean to do any harm although i suck sometimes.
i know myself.
at least better than i know some of u.
i am no way stepping back.
this journey is mine, and gonna stay that way.

things begin to suck again nowadays.
too many flashback come into mind.
am i scared?
may be.
should be ( most probably! )
but i am strong!!
i don't wanna be where i was in the first place.
if i am gonna move forth then it's fine i'll definitely move my ass.
but what's the point if i ain't gonna get somewhere new better different?
no point, right?

excitement is good for health!!
my hormones work like they never did!!!
total excitement!

i got myself many new staff in these last couple of days
including a car.
am i more of a grown up now?
or still sixteen?
the latter one i guess.
sorry dude.

when the lights go out
my soul fulfills itself
i fell really weird right now
as if i'm in a movie of some sort
am i?

i got my "self" done.
does this suppose to mean that i am hoping for anyhing coming?
just a question, no answers expected.
and i realized that i fing vincent cassel very very very attractive.
just a small notice.

i went to bed so late that i just woke up.
my days and nights are losing track again.
last night a very nice man cooked me dinner, drove me to a party and then gave me a lift home.
that's all i needed.
some sincere connection.
thankss!!!

i am so sick!!!
literally.
i told u that i would pay the price of being too happy!
i don't care though!
i am gonna meet one of my beloveds today again!!
although i am sick!!
if this is a battle, i am definitely gonna be the winner!!
thank God for all this love and happiness.
seriously.

thursday and friday, two nights with my beloved ones.
i love u.
saturday, a night with my only true love!
i love u more than u can imagine.

everything has a price they say.
now i say it too!!
too good to be true days of my life are nowadays!
when i catch myself smiling randomly with no reason i can fell that i'm gonna have to pay for this at some point.
but who cares?
since i am the one smiling!!!
my wishes are coming true, and ay be i paid for this one before hand.

and the thing is that the dream i had is so close to mylife that i can fell it coming true.

the dream i had on a friends' couch last night was incredable.
i don't want to ruin it with words.

Even in our wildest daydreams and night dreams we shall find, if we think about it, that the imagination does not entirely run wild, and that even in imagination the different ideas follow one another in a somewhat regular fashion.

i repeat:
life is full of suprises!!!

ok here is what i got in mind; i want everyone to be like me so that no one would get mad at me at all because they all would be doing the same in my position.
i want myself to be more and more like me no matter how, why, when, where and how come...
and all i want else is affection affection affection.
i am actually begging for it here.
and no one replied!
this seems like a nice summary of all i got both in actuality and in mind.

am i that much of a coward that i cannot even confess myself what i have in mind?
or is it because i am too nasty!!!

i wish i had some of the answers at least.

what if nothing happens?
is it possible that nothing happens when a man and a woman are together alone?
would that not burn them both since they both know how high they could be together?
i might be right, i might be wrong.
all i want if that affection.
love of a man.

got a date for thursday.
got plans for every other day.
got no idea what it is coming this time.
want what i had before.
or want what is new to come.
make no sense ha?
oh yea
no sense!

life is such a joke.
you never know what is to come next.
i fell so weird nowadays.
men complicate my life more than ever.
or is it me to blame?
no matter who should be kept responsible for all this confusion, still i am gonna be the one to get through with it.
not afraid, but a little terrified.
seeing how things go right upside down so suddenly shaked me quiet a lot.
do i want what i had before back?
do i want nothing new but nothing old either?_
or is it something new that i've been looking for this last couple of months?
please do reply.

home home sweet home.
i don't know if i can leave all this behind.
this affection of those who love me so sincerely.
i'll have to make changes. this phase here is just the beginning as it seems.

i write about myself all the time but when it comes to writing about others i'm totally stuck.
nothing seems to come into mind.