if i had a choice would i want to start all over
or is it best to go through this forever
or at least someone else comes along and takes my breath away?
i think i am not in love
i am just not over it yet!!
not just yet! once i get myself together
reach my goals then everything is gonna just fine. may not gonna be perfect
but will be fine.

i am moved again
i don't think i can be over this right away
why?
why keep writing
as if you care!
just let me go.

two men in two hours are history now
one lved another man
loved got sacked
and i am doing wrong
just wrong
shit happens though

today is not my day
another hour to go still and i know it will keep on sucking me until it is officially over.
today i lost two men in two hours.
i believe i deserved it by making out with my girlfriends' ex-boyfriend but life is tough...
shit happens.

sharing is caring.

fine line betweeen pleasure and pain!!
i don't now what is wrong with me nowadays but i fell very agrasif. not that i am hitting people or anything but i am getting hurt very acutely.
how come have i become so sensitive whereas i have always been the one who did not care about what anyone said or did...
especially the question of accent or confusing languages...
i think i have been way over integrated into my environment that i forget where i am from.
got to stop doing that!
and better start working if i am gonna be a sociologist!

yea ohh i am a scientist!!

i ain'T my age at all!!
still teenager still nasty still naughty still not a settler!!
i thought it was time i setlle for whatever there is...
but now i realize it is not the age but me!
i thought if i waited long enough i would slow down.
but i am fast, it wasn'T youth that made me fast it is me!!
how horrible horrible news this is for all those who find some value in me.

my case!!
over.

resolution day.
so glad that this is over.
it was hard to keep my tears back.
but i did it.
i am strong enough to protect myself.
thank god!!

i believe it is getting better by the day
but still life is not perfect
althought still enyojable
looking forward to my trip!! every new city let's me take a part of it along when i'm leaving.
how do i live without these trips? if i ever stop travelling.
never i hope!! i'll never stop.
these days i have even began to wonder where to live next year. it is such a fulfilling feeling to know that you can go on living almost anywhere!
free as a bird...

i have decided to settle here. everyday i am becoming more of an aussie!
not that i am proud of it but just to reveal the truth i mentioned. that's all there is to it.
i am weird at least kind of weird.
finally i have found some people like me, after so many years in istanbul looking for those who are like me, they seem to have grown together here in sydney!
actually i have started to believe that everyone has their wordly twin here in sydney, everyone from all over the world has been dublicated and one let on its own where as the other is here on this huge island with the rest of us.
that's why i guess i don't miss people much, as long as they're not my beloved not really.
anyway i am living in this georgeous house, having some baileys with my neighrbour on my balcony, going dancing with cute guys, lying by the beach with friends...etc. i guess i found what i was looking for.
peace.

my life has always been like this
a rollercoaster made up of different phases.
it is not going up and down but the point is rather that it goes in a very different direction at one time from another.
god forbid i am sometimes afraid that i am just going to fall off!
what have done? i ask myself quiet often in the last couple of years.
i am growing to become more and more like peter sellers.
but i am no dr.strangelove or the pink panther!
i am just a girl whose intentions are good
but a girl who can never manage on her own although she believes she can.
how much longer will it take until i realize that i should forbid myself to make any decisions at all?
i know this blog sounds really dark and pessimistic and on the contrary my life is going very well everyday i meet new people see new places have new dreams about places i haven't been to people haven't met yet! may be it is this unknown coming at my door every morning that is freaking me out,
i am sure nothing can give me the creeps more than my downstairs neighbour! real bastard and a shame on his community!
anyway he is not ht eissue here, this new phase is mine! i can never change the theme of this blog since everytime a new phase is over it is nothing other than another new phase coming through as if my life was an emergency room and new phases come running in one after another all bleeding and scared but still firm.
i wish myself the best of all new phases from now on.

there are some songs that just have to touch you as they go by
and there are some songs that never go by.

if i was water or fire
if i never talked but was a stone
would you still play with me?

watch the sunrise say your goodbyes off we go some conversation no contemplation hit the road car overheats jump out of my seat on the side of the highway baby our road is long your hold is strong please don't ever let go oh no i know i don't know you but i want you so bad everyone has a secret but can they keep it oh no they can't driving fast now don't think i know how to go slow where you at now i feel around there you are cool these engines calm these jets i ask you how hot can it get and as you wipe of beads of sweat slowly you say 'i'm not there yet!'

god let me meet someone
someone just like me

movies touch me very often because they are all about those living far far away, and now i am one. al these years i never enyojed the local music, never enjoyed songs in my native language. now i know why, just so that i would not listen to them when i am so far, i would not listen to them so that i would not touch me like those movies that used to touch me when i was not far far away but the people were.

there is nothing local about me now that i see myself living somewhere so far so different.
everyone said that i would get homesick, everyone said don't go.
i am glad i never ever listen to anyone.
i am glad i am here through this experience of my life.
may be even bigger experiences are going to come and meet me in the future.
for now this is who and where i am.
life is though i used to say.
now i know it was always me making it tougher.

going away for christmas early tomorrow morning
kind of excited a bit anxious and very enthusiastic
these days have been very very occupying lately.
every weekend i am staying somewhere else.
this is what abroad experience is all about I believe.
sometimes i fell like just reading on the front porch.
sometimes i feel like reading at the beach.
but mostly i just live the life given rather then reading others'...